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Friday, April 29, 2005
YIPPEE!
Lost 3.5 pounds last night....good start....now I'm headed off on vacation to put it back on....Oh well at least I should be at par when I return. Plan on being very active while I'm away so maybe I'll at least stay the same, either way I can live with it.
Stressing a bit, haven't even started to pack. Son is coming home this evening to visit before we leave, he's also bringing home a load of his 'shit' from school, he's done on May 6. It will be nice to see him before we leave. Daughter is excited and has been packed since Monday. It snowed here last night...I think that it was a sign that we really SHOULD leave on Vaca.
Have a great week and I'll fill you all in on my "exciting" life when we return.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
THINGS THEY ARE A CHANGIN'
I've probably mentioned that I HATE change...well I DO! I've been working for the same company, had the same boss, had the same job for 15 years....It's comfortable....consistant....normal....MY LIFE! Well my boss (owner/broker) just got a new job, chance of a lifetime, his dream come true, so now he's selling the business, not to a stranger (that would have been much worse), to a guy that's been working with us for about 5 years, he's a very nice guy, but still 'CHANGE'. They told me about this about a month ago but it won't be final until Monday. I've been working on all the change over paper work and pretending that it was NOT really going to happen, but now I've just e-mailed the final piece of paper needed to complete the transaction. I can't believe how blue I feel, I almost feel like I'm grieving....the loss of normal....the loss of comfortable....the loss of consistent and worst of all the lost of a great friend (my boss). The new guy is a friend as well and my x-boss will still be around but it's will never be the same again. This is the beginning of a new era...I hope that I will survive!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Another Day
Day 5 on WW and I'm still feeling great. No exercise this AM but since the sun is supposed to shine today (the only day this week) I plan on a walk at lunch. Still getting ready for Vacation, leave on Sunday. We are all excited, Bre is already packed (except for undies and makeup), I haven't even started. The week is very busy but I WILL get it done. Got my hair highlighted...it's supposed to make me feel 10 years younger....so far it's not working! Nothing exciting to report, I'll write more later this week. THE SUN IS SHINING YIPPEE!!!!!!!!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Week-end Whoes
Week-ends are supposed to be for FUN and RELAXATION...RIGHT? Well Saturday we had to go to a Birthday Party for my older sister (the evil one), she turned 44, however she still acts about 13. She is the neediest person I have ever known. My whole family was at my dad's for the party which is ALWAYS a stressful situation. Kristi (evil one) complained about her health....as usual, my Dad's girlfriend (the moody one) was very pleasant this time but I always walk on egg shells around her waiting for the mood to change, Terri (the good sister) was depressed (she still has a very hard time with family gatherings), Ralph (baby brother) was....well...he was Ralph. I, of course, am always the one responsible for keeping the conversation flowing and SAFE. There are many topics that are taboo at one of my family gatherings, I keep a mental list of the SAFE topics. They are usually weather, kids, current events and cars. We were there for about 2 hours but it seemed like much longer. Shouldn't family gatherings be easier? More fun? less stressful? I want to be like the Brady Bunch, happy all the time, every problem able to be solved in 30 minutes, talk about anything. OH WELL.....I CAN DREAM CAN'T I?
Friday, April 22, 2005
WHAA! WHAA! WHAA!
Well, I did it....I stepped on those #@$@#*&$&#@#$ scales. I'm going to stick to this program for 12 weeks! I've declared it...so it will BE. Did a 3 mile walk with weights this AM, plan on a walk this PM, Sister (the good one) and child are coming up for the week-end so we will walk alot. Hope everyone has a wonderful week-end. It's supposed to rain all week-end.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT!
Tonight at 5:30 I have to step on those dreadful SCALES. This is the first weigh in of the new 12 week program at Weight Watchers. I have mixed emotions.....I know that I have gained at least 10 pounds since the last time I went (about 4 months ago) so I'm very aprehensive but I'm also optimistic. This program has worked for me in the past and I BELIEVE that it will work again. I've tried doing it on my own but it never works...I need to be held accountable to someone to stay on PROGRAM. I have made a promise to myself to miss only 1 meeting (I'll be in St. Kitts) and to keep my food jounal every week. 12 weeks is a short commitment and I CAN DO IT!....with a little help from my friends.
PS: Woke up to a fresh blanket of SNOW!!!!YUCK!!!!
Monday, April 18, 2005
More on Growing Pains
My 16 year old daughter is staying with her brother on campus for a couple of days. It is spring break for her and his room mate is gone for the week. I'm glad the my kids are close but I'm also NOT stupid....what could be more exciting for a 16 year old girl then a campus full of college guys! Our school system is very small so everyone knows everyone. Bre is always very excited to meet new people...Am I that excited.....NO....but I do understand her need for change. It was much easier, for me anyway, when all she wanted for excitement was pizza hut and a disney movie with her mommy. Stop the world....I want to get off!
Friday, April 15, 2005
Technology
I've been sitting here at my desk looking over proposals for new phone systems...it is SOOOO complicated. What ever happened to picking up the phone and saying "hello". Why is it that everything that is supposed to make my life easier, starts out making it harder? I hate change! I have been married to the same man for 22 years, lived in the same house for 19, worked at the same place for 15, I even drive the same car as long as possible. Maybe it's a control issue, when things change I feel like I am losing control...I do NOT like that feeling at all. Do you think that women felt this way when they were first introduced to electricity? In door plumbing? Washing Machines? Necessities to ME but change to someone!
Thursday, April 14, 2005
This can NOT be happening!
My mother used to buy plastic cups, to save on dishes, and then she would wash them...why?....who knows. In my adult years this became a joke between us, I would always give her a hard time about the 'lack' of sense this made and whenever I would go to see her I would throw away one of her precious plastic cups. Well.....last night I caught myself putting a plastic cup in the dishwasher, I was flooded with memories of my mother (gone since 2000). I couldn't believe the emotions that washed over me because of such a stupid thing, I also could NOT bring myself to take the cup out of the dishwasher. I think that I may be morphing into my mother, they all told me that it would happen some day....can the chin hairs be far behind?
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Growing Pains!
I miss my babies. My children are now 19 and 16 and I am so surprised at how much I miss the younger years. I was not one of those mothers who cried when her kids went off to school...in fact I used to scoff at those who did, I knew that they would be back in my arms with excited hugs and kisses when they got off the bus. Now that they are teen agers I don't feel that same closeness with them. I think that it's normal or maybe it stems from the loss of my niece in '02, just days before her graduation (a topic for another day), whatever the reason, I am finding it very difficult to let my kids become there own "person". I still want to keep them safe and protected from the cruel worl, but they don't want me to. My son's senior year was very difficult for me, I spent the last few months and the entire summer on the verge of tears, by the time we dropped him off on campus I thought that I might just disappear into my pain. It has gotten better, however, I still miss the daily interaction with his life. My daughter started pulling away much sooner then my son, so it kind of happened at the same time...both of them pushing me away and becoming their own person. I miss Cat in the Hat, Candy Land and Goodnight Moon....I miss Sailor Suits, clip on ties and lunch boxes....I miss Ruffled dresses, Mary Jane's and pony tails...but most of all I miss their INNOCENCE.....or maybe it's mine?
Monday, April 11, 2005
Driving Etiquette
I hate to drive...always have I didn't even consider getting my lisence until I was eighteen, in fact I got it the morning of my high school graduation, I always had friends like sheri who would cart my ass around and my dad would always let us use a car...but I degress. What this post was actually getting to was that even though I hate driving, or maybe because I hate driving, I am a very patient rider, in fact I have been the passenger through permits with both of my kids and the children of several of my friends. My husband, normally a very nice man, is the worlds WORST passenger, we've been married for 22 years and I still HATE to have him in the passenger seat. He also gets road rage very easily and is impatient when behind the wheel...he becomes a totally different person. BOTH of my kids have always hated driving with him. Well yesterday we took a family trip to Orono to see our son, this is only about a 1.5 hour trip, on good roads, a little bit of interstate nothing exceptional. Our daughter, 16 and recently a licensed driver, wanted to drive. Now I ride with her all the time, she is a very good driver, cautions, calm, I have never had to yell at her or grab the wheel or anything like that. Hubby, however has a big problem with her driving, they bickered the entire trip until I was ready to kill them both. If she was going 70 on the interstate it was too fast, if she was going 65 it was too slow, if she passed a car...SLOW DOWN! If she didn't pass it was....YOU'RE GOING TO GET BOXED IN! There was absolutely NOTHING she could do right. Tell me, if you know, how an otherwise kind, sweet, loving man can become a total asshole in the car?
Friday, April 08, 2005
Comfort Food
I've battled with my weight since I was in grade school, over the past 5-6 years I have lost about 2000 pounds....well gained and lost, gained and lost, gained and lost etc. High of 275, current of 215, low of 195....I really want to get to 180. I vowed to get back on program this week, I was doing really well too and then I got sick! Well sick to me means COMFORT FOOD, dinner last night was one of my favorites, grilled cheese (real cheese, real butter, real bread) and tomato soup (milk not water)... well my resolve to get "back on program" went out the window. I Know that I am an emotional eater, I was raised in a family that used food to solve every problem. Boyfriend cheated on you...have ice cream with hot fudge. Best friend disappoints you...spaghetti and meatballs. Bad grade at school...potato chips and french onion dip. Food wasn't just for bad things either. Good grades...Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Christmas...piles and piles of rich deserts...you get the point. Well now that I am an adult with two teenagers I do the same things. Over the past few years I have really tried to not make every event revolve around food but it is very difficult to change something that has been going on for soooooo many years. OK I've admitted it...I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER....NOW WHAT?
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Spring?
When I got up this morning and looked out my window I almost believe that SPRING may actually be on the way. I saw several patched of grass, brown of course but grass just the same, in the back yard and MUD in the front. The sun is shining enough that I had to pull the blind at work so that I could see my computer...YIPPEE! I thrive on SUNSHINE, love it, always have. I'm not exactly a sun worshiper, I don't lay in the sun for hours on end but I do love to see that bright ball of joy in the sky, it nourishes me, revitalizes me, gives me energy, and believe me after the winter we've had I need all the energy that I can get. The smell in the air makes me believe that summer isn't far away. We all leave for St. Kitts for a week on May 1st so I'll be able to get an early taste of summer, hopefully by the time we get back the ice will be out, or at least almost out, of the lake. I can't wait to kayak again and to start walking. I love to walk but I'm a wuss, so I wait for the weather to improve. I have started working out 3 morning a week though and am enjoying it, I can't put my arms up over my head without being in pain.....but it's the good kind of pain. Another sign that summer is coming is that my son will be home from college the first soon, I'm anxious to have him home but I'm sure that there will be an adjustment period for us all. Since I pay the mortgage he'd better do the adjusting LOL.
Friday, April 01, 2005
melslifeinaNUTshell
melslifeinaNUTshell
WOW I'm Writing
I'm not much of a writer, but I've decided to give this Blog stuff a try. I have really enjoyed reading some very unique, and sometimes, informative Blogs that have been recommended by a friend of mine. I have managed to find a piece of myself in almost every site I have explored. I am a mother of 2 teenagers, and yes I have survived, a wife, same man for 22 years, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and a full time RE Secretary. My life is always hectic. I am over weight and always have been, I continue to struggle with that on a daily basis. I have illness all around me, thankfully myself, husband and kids are among the healthy. I have experienced death of loved ones, planned funerals, planted memorial gardens and written obits. I would very much like a break....WHEN? Who know's....I guess when live slows down, right now it feels like it is spinning out of contol. Does that every really happen? Will the world spin so fast that I may fall off?
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