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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Savannah Smiles
This is my niece Savannah, Today would have been her 21 birthday. She was killed 3 days before her high school graduation in 2002, she had planned on attending Connecticut University to major in communications. It was no surprise to any of us that she planned on making her living with her mouth....She was always a very verbal and dramatic child, sometimes a pain in the ass too, but that's another story. She was the first 'baby' in my life, she and her mom lived close by until she was 5 and then they moved about 90 minutes away, Vannah was still a big part of our family, she would come and stay with us often.
NotableQuote from Vannah: Don't be afraid of dying....be afraid of not living!
She was a very insightful child, she did not have an easy life, but she almost always had a smile on her face. She loved music, her friends and her family. She hated academics but loved the social part of school...she was a true social butter fly. I believe that she would have accomplished very big things in her life and she I know that she has accomplished very big things thru her death.
This is a memorial garden that we planted in her honor at her home. It is beautiful. It is much larger now as we add new plants to it every year. In some strange way, this gives my sister, her mother, a way to continue nurturing her daugher. She has gotten alot of solice from this little piece of earth.
I miss Vannah every day but it is special days like today that hurt the most. I will visit the cemetery, something I seldom do, and wish her a happy birthday. I'm sure that she will be laughing at me for being so emotional....the little brat!
Auntie misses you Vanna Dawn!
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Friends
They really can last forever! I had a best friend in school, Sheri, we did everything together. I told her all my secrets and listened to all of hers, we shared or heartbreak, sorrow and happiness. We even spend a summer working our asses off together and enjoying every minute of it. Whenever I think of a milestone in my young life she was always a part of it. We stayed close for several years after we both got married but then started to drift apart and eventually our friendship nearly disappeared. We'd send a christmas card every year but that was it. We reconnected a year or so ago through e-mail and then through blogging, but we still had not seen each other to talk to for well over 10 years. Yesterday we did.
All day long my stomach was full of butterflies and my head was kinda achey with anticipation. I was so nervous, you'd think that I was about to have a sit down with the Queen of England or something...I was a wreck. I played that first hello through my head a dozen times, should I hug her, should I just stand there and look at me feet and say hi, should jump up and down and act silly....what was the appropriate way to greet someone who had once been such an important part of your life. I was so afraid that it would be like meeting a stranger, that there would be absolutely no "connection" left between us. Could I live with that? Did I want to risk it? I almost didn't go out of fear...if I didn't go I wouldn't have to face the possibility that my friend had been lost to me forever.
I did go...I did hug...I did connect. The minute I saw her standing there I knew that I had not lost my childhood friend at all, it was like we had just seen each other a day ago. I felt comfortable, safe, loved. I am so glad that I didn't chicken out, take the 'safe' route and stay home.
I would have loved to be able to spend some time alone with her but even with other people around I KNOW that our friendship has survived and that I will NOT let so many years pass between our 'face to face' meetings again.
I'm typing this as tears run town my face, I had no idea just how much I'd missed you.....friend.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Wait just a minute MISTER!!!!
That's MY BABY! Another week-end spend with darling daughter and her boyfriend and....I'm ashamed to admit....I'm scared shitless. They are so sweet together and so devoted to one another....they may be ready for this....but I'm NOT.....just give me a little time! Don't get me wrong I couldn't have "hand picked" a better boy for my baby...but she's mine!!!! and I am NOT ready to give her up just yet. I am very proud of the young women that she is becoming but I miss the little girl she once was. She's been mine for 16 years now...I can't be expected to just hand her off to "ANYONE", even Mr. Perfect, without a fight. I can probably be convinced to share, but I'm not ready to back off completely, maybe I never will be! Oh...let's just face it...I don't have any choice in the matter do I? Good by baby girl....hello young women.....I THINK I WILL BE NEEDING LOTS AND LOTS OF CHOCOLATE!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
MORE Q & A's
Borrowed.....STOLEN from Sheri at daysofdeerledge
10 years ago: Hubby had just decided to become "self employed", I had a 9 year old, a 6 year old and a full time job. I was probably exhausted, although I tend to block that from my memory.
5 years ago: First summer without my mother, Dad had decided to try the computer dating thing, after a brief fling with one of mom's best friends, and wound up with a nutcase from Florida living with him for a month or so. Sister, Terri and family had just moved back from CT, I was so glad to have her back, Son was in full "puberty" mode, driving us all crazy with mood swings, yes it happens to boys too!!! Bre was facing all the problems of pre-pubescents, someone should have told me that girls go thru it about 3 yeas prior to boys...which put my two there at exactly the SAME time!!!!!
1 year ago: Finishing up the new garage and tearing up the front yard, I'm not crazy about yard work so I was not a happy camper.
Yesterday: Crazy day at work...ads...ads...ads. Hubby gone to a seminar, son off with friends, daughter and I ordered out and played on the computers. She talks to me more throught IM then in person.
Today: Much quieter here today, boss is gone for a long week end, ads are finished. Hubby and kids are all at work too. The "Boyfriend" is headed up today for the week-end. Plan on actually cooking a meal tonite, shopping for the week end and just "chillin".
Tomorrow: Work til at least 3, then headed to camp for a week end of fun and games with family. SIL, BIL and niece are coming, along with both my kids and of course can't leave out "boyfriend", probably half dozen others as well, but that's OK....I like activity around me!!! SUNSHINE here I come.
5 snacks I enjoy: Ice cream, Potato chips, Cheese and crackers, Veggies and dip, fruit
5 Bands I know most of the lyrics their songs: Air Supply, Lonestar, Fleetwood Mac, Garth Brooks, sound track from Grease (yes I am old too)
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Put some in the bank....love to see a +balance in my savings account. Pay off car. Get son a better vehicle. Buy new refrigerator, hate mine! College funds.
5 locations I'd like to run away to: Hawaii. Alaska (for hubby dear). Paris. New York City (short stay). Camp...not mine, a fancy one on the lake.
5 bad habits I have: Finishing peoples sentences. Ignoring my health. Over eating. Driving too fast. Nit picking (hubby's favorite one).
5 things I like doing: Reading. Watching movies. Kayaking. Spending time with family. Blogging.
5things I would never wear: Mini skirt. Belly shirt. Spiked heels (used to). Bikini. Camoflage anything!
5 TV shows I like: Friends. Will and Grace. This Old House Classics. Sex in the City. Who's Line.
5 movies I like: Dirty Dancing, Gone with the Wind, The Breakfast Club, Hello Dolly, Beauty and the Beast
5 famous people I'd like to meet: Keeping this to those who are alive... Oprah Winfrey. Leonardo DiCaprio. John Edwards, the psychic. Robin Williams. Martha Stewart.
5biggest joys at the moment: Family (I'm pleased with them right now). SUNSHINE. I have a long week-end!!!!! Oh, no....do I really only have 3..think...think....think....oh the pressure. Co-workers (some of them). Lightening bugs...........ahhhh
This was very thought provoking, once again. Had a real hard time with 5 people I'd like to meet. hmmmmm. And 5 joys...really I am a happy person, guess I'm just not quite sure WHY.
Monday, July 11, 2005
TIME TO SHARE
Got these thought provoking questions from Melodyann at Searching For Rainbows...Love question/answer thingies. Might be too much information for some....but just STOP now if you are "sensitive".
1. At what age and under what circumstances did you lose your virginity? Was it disappointing, or all you'd thought it would be? I was 18, shortly before graduation....no great love of my life or anything, just though that graduating a VIRGIN would be the worst thing in the world. VERY DISAPPOINTING!!!!!
2. What guilty pleasure do you indulge in that no one else knows about? I blog, well a few people know about it....but VERY few.
3. Do you have a birthmark, and if so, where is it and what does it look like? NOPE, unless you count ugly, disgusting, stretch marks and vericose veins.
4. What's the saddest thing you've ever seen? My sister at her daughter's funeral and I truely hope that I never have to witness anything sadder.
5. What is the WORST book you've ever read? Crime and Punishment....YUCK, Hated every single word of it. It was required reading, maybe if I tried it again now, for pleasure, it wouldn't be so bad...NOT!
6. What is the most delicious food you've ever tasted? Godiva Chocolates
7. Have you ever had or BEEN a secret admirer? Details, please. Yup, in high school I had a terrible crush on an older guy, well only a couple years older, and HOT, I sent him little trinkets and mushy cards for over a year. His mom and mine were friends, she was at my house one day telling mom about this girl who'd been sending her son cards and gifts and how excited he was every time her got one in the mail...and that he saved them all, I nearly choked to death. I did finally get a kiss from him...it was kinda disappointing...but, in his defense, nobody could have lived up to my fantasies.
8. Describe yourself in 10 words or less. I AM ME
9. If you could spend an hour with anyone, anywhere, doing anything, who would it be, where and what would you do? Why? This is a hard one, I could pick some MAN of my dreams on a tropical island or something...but I won't. I'd really like to spend one more hour with my mother...anywhere...talking. I'd like to be sure that she is proud of the person that I have become. Corney...I know....
10. What is one thing you are ashamed to admit you know nothing about? Parenting....I only hope that I'm not screwing my kids up too badly. Maybe LOVE will be enough to ensure their happiness, security and success.
Answer one, or some, or all of the questions. Of course you also have the option of answering none. But I hope you won't take that option. After all, isn't it kind of fun to just BARE your soul once in a while?
Thanks Melodyann - these really made me think.
My Hat's Off
A Great Big Thank You to SHERI at days of deerledge for my beautiful new look. My blog is no longer BORING....well at least the template isn't. Love it!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! You're Great!!!!
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Guilty Little Secrets
I'm sitting here today, after cleaning my house like the good little wifeypoo that I pretend to be, listening to the sound track of Grease, one of my favorite movies from my "formative" years. I decided to list a few other movies that impacted those innocent years.
1. Grease - Great, sappy music. Sweet summer love with a bit of innocent turmoil. Sexy "bad boys". 50's at their very best. I've often thought that I should have been around then, love the poodle skirts and saddle shoes, the jitterbug, twist, locomotion and the mashed potato. The 50's always looked like so much fun to me.
2. The Breakfast Club - Teen angst with a happy ending...who knew that detention could be so damned much fun....wasn't like that at my school.
3. St. Elmo's Fire - The Breakfast Club all grown up. More complex issues. Friendships at their best and worst.
4. Blue Lagoon - Paradise....simple....beautiufl....romantic. Nearly naked hunk. Adult situations with childlike innocence. Doesn't get any better then this. Also this was the first movie that I ever saw in a theater....I led a very sheltered life.
5. Sooner or Later - A gorgeous, if a tad femenine, Rex Smith. A boyfriend that sings to you. WOW!
6. Valley Girl - Opposites attract...corney..."totally" entertaining!
7. Boy in a Plastic Bubble - Come on, what could be better then an young John Travolta, innocent, beautiful, lots of hair....Yummy!
8. Xanadu - More Song and Dance with a side of magic and a pinch of romance....
Okay you have just a peak into my "Guilty Little Secret" I love "bad" movies. Uncomplicated! Innocent! Safe! Happy! Yeah...that's what it's all about.
Friday, July 08, 2005
BLOGS
I've taken a few hours tonight to, yet again, surf blogs....I am always amazed at what can be found out there. Funny, serious, happpy, sad, scarey, informative, smutty....you name it and it's out there. I'm also always amazed at how much I have in common with so many of these people. I often think that I am alone in some of my issues; weight...family....inlaws...pressure....responsibility....disappointments...fear, but since I've started blogging I've found that there are others out there who have dealt with all of my issues. Just reading about this has "lightened my load", just knowing that I am not alone gives me comfort. When I started this I never dreamt that I would gain so much. Thank you all, especially Sheri for introducing me to such a liberating way of expressing myself.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Happy....Happy.....Happy 4th of July
 Big week end at the ol' homestead...well actually at camp. This is hubby dear and brother Ralph doing what they do best....NOTHING. They spent the day making sure that their beers didn't get away from them...oh yeah....and asking me stupid questions whenever I got to a good smutty page in my book. How do they do that?
Oh They also played with the boat....boys and their toys...They never outgrow it do they?
This is baby girl and friend....trying to decide if they dare to get on the tube..."You want me to do WHAT?" "Won't it mess up my hair...my make-up...my bathing suit???"
"Okay....Okay....I'll do it....whoopee...THIS is FUN!!!!" "Are those MY teeth?"
 My darling son....in training to be a MAN just like his daddy...see...he's already go the doing "nothing" thing perfected. A good time was, once again, had by all. Lots of family....lots of friends....lots of food....lots of sunshine and most of all....lots of smiles. I loved having my kids with me. summer is way too short.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Wow...I'ts Been A While
Didn't realize that it's been so long since my last post, it has been a crazy week at work. Alot to do to be ready for the big summer holiday. Early ad deadlines, extra brochures, lots of new listings....and everyone thinks that there's is the only listing I have to work on...well it's not. I am so glad to be done work for the week. Long week end for me, don't go back til Tuesday...YIPPEE for me! Of course our normally sleepy little town becomes a madhouse for the week end and will be almost as bad for the rest of the summer. It took me 20 minutes to get the mail today, a trip that usually takes less then 5, not only was there traffic, but there were lines at the window. What's with that, do all these people come here for the week end just to mail letters? There won't be a place in town that you can get a table to eat either, unless you want dinner at 3:30 and even then it will be iffy and forget about the grocery store, the isles will be wall to wall people, screaming kids, mouthy teenagers, dirty campers...and they will all be socializing in the middle of the isles so that the natives, like me, won't be able to get to the milk. Since I was a slacker and didn't do my shopping by Wednesday and am too much or a wuss to brave the stores now, I may be forced to live on the crumbs in the bread box and that stuff pushed way back in the refrigerator that no one has touched for a decade. I really should know better, should have planned ahead better, but I didn't, the time just got away with me and now I MUST live with my mistake. If I'm extra nice I may be able to con hubby dear into going to the store for me....can I be that nice....I'll have to give that some serious thought. The weather is supposed to be terrific so I will be headed back to camp tomorrow afternoon and won't come into town again until it Monday evening. I hope to do some kayaking and catch some rays, maybe even read a good book. There will be extra people around, including teenagers, but I'm pretty good at blocking all that out when I want too, so I should be relaxed and rested to face the next week from hell. Well...I hope that you all have a safe and happy holiday week-end.
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