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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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Monday, May 30, 2005
June 3, 2002
Started like any other day, got up, kids to school, hubby off to his job, me off to mine. At lunch I was telling my co workers about this funky "freshmen Survival Kit" I was putting together for my Niece, Savannah's graduation party, she was graduation on the 6th, by dinner time I was writing her obituary. Just after lunch I got a phone call from one of Sister Terri's co-workers telling me that Vannah had been in a bad car accident and that I should come right away, meet Terri at the ER, they were going to stabilizer Vannah where she was and then life flight her to Bangor, about 1 1/2 hours from where I was. I left hubby home with kids, got my dad and headed to the hospital, the entire trip down I was playing out worst case scenarios in my head, thinking how much time I would take off to help Terri care for her daughter's injuries, expecting broken bones, stitched, rehab of some sort. I arrived at the hospital and met sister and husband coming around the ER desk, she looked at me and said "She's gone" It took me a minute to comprehend what she was saying to me, I couldn't believe that she was dead...I still have a hard time saying that, just a short time before I arrived the doctors had told Terri and her husband that Vannah was brain dead and asked them if she should be taken off Life Support, thankfully that was a decision that they would never have to take, moments later they were told that her heart had also stopped. I "felt" for 5 minutes and then switched to survival mode. Terri and husband were in no shape to face the things that needed to be done next. I went to the ER waiting room, where many of Vannah's friends had gathered and gave them the terrible news, I escorted them to the room where her body still lay so that they could say there final good -bys, I called home to let my husband know, he got the kids and headed to Terri's house. I stayed there for 10 days. I couldn't beleive that I was planning a funeral for my niece, my first baby, a child who just one day before was full of life, with hopes, with dreams....but I was. I did everything in my power to help Terri through those first few days, It was hell for me to see her so distraut, so helpless and know that there was nothing that I could do to ease her pain. Vannah had been headed back for marching practice at her high school,one of her best friends was behind the wheel, it was a beautiful, sunny day, great driving conditions, no drugs, no alcohol, just excessive speed and driver inattentions, the car was going about90 in a 45, the last thing that the driver remembers was Vannah telling him to slow down, he lost control of the car, jumped a guard rail and a brook, Van was thrown from the car and the car landed on her, she was not wearing a seat belt, the driver was and only suffered a broken arm. Because of the kind of accident that it was the ME took the "body" for an autopsy and they really didn't give a damn that she had a family waiting to lay her to rest, it was 3 days before she was released to the undertaker. The next time that I "felt" was the day that I went to the high school to pick up her cap and gown, Terri wanted her to be viewed in it. I fell apart at the school in front of people that I didn't even know, I sobbed uncontrollably for an hour before I headed back to her mother's house. We did see her in her graduation attire, It's supposed to be a happy time, it wasn't I had to force Terri to leave her side so that the undertaker could finish his work. Because of the amount of time that had passed we were unable to have the viewing that my sister wanted, the autopsy had done too much damage, I was told "we just can't keep her together" why did they think that I needed to know that? Did they think that just because I was keeping my composure that I didn't care? That wasn't the case at all, I cared....alot. We had her service in the gymnasium of the High school, there were several hundred people there. Vannah's english final had been to write a "memory" book, in it she wrote of her feelings for the people around her, alot of that book was read at her funeral, one of the things I remember is "You shouldn't be afriad of death...you should be afraid of not living", I thought that was very deep for such a young girl. Vannah was a big girl and one of her teachers got up and said "It's wasn't Vannah's size that filled a room, it was her personaity" that was very true, she had a laugh that could light up the largest of rooms and a smile that could make anyone feel comfortable. Well it will be 3 years on Friday and the world is still spinning, I'll spend the day with Terri, we'll cry alot "she calls it melt down" and we will laugh alot, I'm not sure what else she will want to do but whatever it is I will be with her because no matter how hard it is on me I know that it is far worse for her. I miss Vannah very much, but I expected that, what I did't expect is how hard it has been to watch the changes in my sister, I morn as much for the parts of her that are lost as I do for the loss of Vannah. I never realized just how important NORMAL could be. I really want that again.....soon.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Useless Information About Me
I saw something like this on another blog and liked it so much I decided to be a copycat!
1. Turned 41 in Feb and.....I'm OK with that
2. Married at 19
3. Dated my husband for only 6 months before we wed....and NO I was not pregnant
4. 22nd anniversary in August
5. I've lived in the same town my entire life and the same street for most of it
6. I've lived in the house for 19 years
7. I can spread all my toes apart...without using my hands
8. My son is 19 and is 6'10" tall and wears a 17 shoe, I haven't been able to look him in the eye for 8 or 9 years
9. I don't enjoy cooking...but someone has to do it
10. I hate to clean...again....someone has to do it
11. I have always lived less then a mile from the water and have never owned a boat...well a kayak and a paddle boat
12. Kids tell me that I throw like a girl...how sexest
13. My daughter is 16 and is almost human again
14. My hair color changes almost as often as my weight
15. I love to read
16. Hubby and I square danced for 5 years
17. We took ball room dancing for 1
18. I adore sunshine
19. I have undeveloped rolls of film that are 10 years old
20. I can't leave my house in the morning if the bed is not made
OK enough for now I don't want to overload you all with my exciting existence.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Blessings
I woke up this morning and decided to count my blessings.
1. Health - my husband, kids and myself are all healthy
2. Home - I have a comfortable home in which to live
3. Family - Daughter finally achieved academic excellence - son is home for the summer - husband still loves me - younger sister is still my best friend
4. I have been able to renew a friendship via cyberspace that I'd lost and missed terriby
5. I have found comraderie through this blog and reading those of others that I was not expecting but am very happy to have found
6. Statistics say that 77% of people hate there job...I'm not one of them
7. The sun was out for a few minutes today
Just a few reasons to not be bitchy today.
How Fun
3 names I go by:
Mom
Melody
Mel (only recently stopped hating this one)
3 Screen-names I've had:
life in a nut shell
that's it - I'm not very computer "savvy"
3 physical things I like about myself:
My hair - no matter what color
My ankles - the only part of my bod that SKINNY
My eyes
3 physical things I dislike about myself:
Only 3....come on
My fat thighs
My fat ass
My saggy boobs
3 parts of my heritage:
French
Italian
English
3 things I am wearing right now:
Long denim skirt - no leg shaving required
A peasant shirt - possibly showing too much cleavage
Sandles - my toes are cold
3 favorite bands / musical artists:
Meatloaf - still
Josh Grobin
Gretchen Wilson
3 (of many) favorite songs:
Redneck girl - think that's the name
Paradise by the dashboard lights - still know all the words - drives kids crazy
Angels among us
3 things I want in a relationship:
(I'm assuming love is a given)
Laughter - lots of it
Companionship
Comfort
3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me:
Kind eyes
Bright smile
Nice ass certainly doesn't hurt
3 of my favorite hobbies:
Reading
Walking
Kayaking
3 things I want to do really badly right now:
Lose 50 lbs - Hey ME TOO
Lay in the sun
Eat chocolate - PMS
3 things that scare me:
My children not needing me
Being alone
Loosing a loved one
3 of my everyday essentials:
Shower
Love from family
A smile
3 careers you have considered or are considering:
Hair dresser
Millionair
Councilor
3 places you want to go on vacation:
Paris
Nashville
Camp
3 kids' names you like:
Bailey
Brooke
Tabetha
3 things you want to do before you die:
Sleep uninterupted for 8 hours
Dance at my kids weddings
Wear a size 10
3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
I'm pretty girly....let me see...ummmm
Like to sweat - working out that is
That's it I Can't think of anything else
3 ways I am stereotypically a girl:
I love to paint my nails
Hate to hunt....fish...snowmobile....get dirty
Never miss the mark when peeing
3 celeb crushes:
Patrick Swayze - Dirty Dancing era
David Cassidy
Rick Springfield
Thanks to Sheri's'
I will tag
Julie
Sue
gdawney
Have fun!
Monday, May 23, 2005
"Girls Day Out"
Took a trip to the big city, Bangor, with Bre, a friend of her, Sister Terri and niece Becca. It was a fun day. We hit the mall of Prom accessories, even Becca at 13 is getting ready for a semi-formal, the Wal-Mart for throw-a-way cameras, I don't trust Bre with a REAL camers, met Dad and girlfriend, will I ever get used to that statment, for lunch and then we went to see "Kiss me Kate". I love musicals, most musicals, but this one was not one of my favorites. Bre slept through the entire first act and then had no idea what was going on in the second act, but she was a good sport about it. This is the second time that Bre has attended a musical with me (other then school ones), the first time it was Chicago, I loved it, she still hated it. I just have a hard time believing that a child of mine doesn't enjoy musicals....oh well. The best part of the day was the car ride, it's so funny that otherwise intelligent children, think that the adults in a car a deaf. I love listening to them talk when they don't know that I can hear them, the same thing happens when the kids are in there room with the door shut. At one point in their conversation I heard one of the girls say "Oh I know what a Thesbian is...is't a fake lesbian" then one of the others said "what's it called when someone likes to have sex with a tree, I didn't even know that there was a word for that. Another answered "oh thats a tree hugger". Sister and I could not help but chuckle...actually we laughed our asses off. The conversation then moved onto cloths, make-up and boyfriends. I always learn something new when I spend a couple of hours in the car with kids....anyone's kids!
Monday, May 16, 2005
Mysteries Of Life
How can it be...that my children get older yet I feel younger?
How can it be...that the hair on my legs grows so quickly and that on my head so slowly?
How can it be...that my children know it all and I know none of it?
How can it be...that my mind spins out of control yet my body stays still?
How can it be...that the days are so busy yet I get nothing done?
How can it be...that love conquers all yet all is not conquered?
How can it be...that the simple things in life have become so difficult?
How can it be...that the days last forever yet the weeks fly by?
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Mixed Feelings
Our school is doing an "Every 15 Minutes" program on Monday and Tuesday. Statistics show that someone is killed every 15 minutes in a car accident due to drinking. There will be a mock accident with injuries, deaths, life flights, funerals, obituaries the whole thing, it is supposed to be very realistic. Bre is a sophmore and had no desire to participate, nor do I, She thinks that she will be just fine dealing with the "mock" stuff. We were hit by a drunk driver this winter, she was with us, we were all fine but she was very upset by it and my niece was killed in an auto accident 3 years ago, no drinking involved, it was driver inexperience and excessive speed. We were all very close to her, including Bre, we lived through life flight, the ER, planning the funeral, writing the obit, watching her mother, father and sisters go through hell. I am really worried that going through this at school will trigger something in Bre, she seems to be dealing with her losses well but you never know what will bring on the pain. I don't think that I could go through it even knowing that it's not real....Maybe she is stronger then I am. I believe that it is very important for kids to know the seriouseness of driving drunk...of taking responsibility for their actions...of dealing with there mortality, but it still scares the shit out of me.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
A Little Slice Of Paradise
Our vacation was very nice. We started with a 2 hour fog delay in Bangor but the flight itself was uneventful, no turbulance at all, smooth and quiet, we didn't even have any trouble with immigrations, Lloyd did set off the metal detector and had to be "wanded". Did you ever notice that those people NEVER smile? We arrived in St. Kitts at about 2, it was warm and breezy. The drive to the Resort, we stayed at a Mariotte, they drive on the wrong side of very narrow roads there and the drivers love to scare the shit out of tourists, but all in all it was a lovely ride, only about 20 minutes. The resort was beautiful, 3 free form pools, 2 outside hot tubs, a long stretch of sandy beach with the bluest water, complete with little "shade" hut thingies. As soon as we got off the buses we were greeted with rum punch and a 30 minute orientation (this is a trip with 230 other people from Maine) explaining the events of the week, you could then sign up for any tours that you may want to take and the rest of the day we were on our own. We checked into our room, changed and hit the beach for a couple of hours, it had been a very long day so we all were all asleep before 8, even Bre (16). We all did a tour or St. Kitts, the views were unbelievable, the island was formed by Volcanoes, so there was alot of valcanic rock everywhere and I was amazed at how the color of the water changed with the depth, you could look out and almost see lines between the colors, we also did a tour of Nevis, the sister Island, it was even prettier, a much better kept Island. It was funny to see goats and sheep running wild on both islands, guess it's cheapter then lawn mowers, we also saw some really cute monkeys. Lloyd and Bre went horseback riding in the rain forest, I haven't been on a horse since my girl scout days and intend to keep it that way, they had a great time and it was great that the two of them got to spend some quality time together, they got along fine....even without me playing referee. I've got to go for now, I'll continue on tomorrow.
PS: Anyone following my "diet" progress....not too good on that front BUT I'm back on track as of yesterday and I started my day with 50 minutes of the "firm".
Monday, May 09, 2005
I'M BAAAAACK
Had a great time! Just sat down at my desk and was overwhelmed...Not sure where to start so I decided to start HERE and say hello to everyone....like you really care....but anyway...it gives me a minute to decompress after filtering through about a gazillion e-mails, 50% for Viagra, the rest I had to really READ. Today will be a blur but I'll post about my vacation soon. I've been told that the sun might actually SHINE here tomorrow. YIPPEE
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