Sunday, January 22, 2006
I AM a New Englander
Forget Rednecks... here's what Jeff Foxworthy has to say on New> > > Englanders
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by,you might live in New England
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen (hell I don't even have a local dairy queen) is closed from September through May, you live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NEW ENGLANDER WHEN: "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day, and backagain.You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked (I do this). You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit (every single year). Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and> > road construction. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
"Down South" to you means Philadelphia. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You find 10 degrees "a little chilly." You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends.
>
