Saturday, November 26, 2005
Peaks and Valleys
The holidays always bring many peaks and valleys for me. Since the loss of my mother and then of my niece I am never sure of what the day will bring. It starts with Mom's b'day on 11/5 and ends with the anniversary of her death on 1/18. I approach each day with aprehension, wondering how it will effect me this year. Some days go by with the ease that I crave and others trudge by with a sense of impending doom. This may sound a bit dramatic but it is the best way I can describe how I feel during this time frame. This week has been no different.
I have been able to spend some time with Sheri, my best friend from highschool, and her family. I have enjoyed it completely. We talked of our childhoods, of some pretty stupid things that we'd done, of our lives since marriage, old friends, and of time spend with my mom. We laughed and I fought tears at times and realized how much we had missed of each others lives during our time apart. I am glad that she remembers my mother with such kindness and it is good to see my life, then, thru someone elses eyes. It is becoming far to easy to forget.
Thanksgiving day was spent at brothers house with the whole family. I was glad to be with sister Terri and her family and too see how much better she is doing now then last year. We sat with all of the kids, hers and mine, and chatted about life in general. We told alot of funny stories which revolved around Savannah (niece who passed on '02), she was always the instigator, of both the good and the bad. It was nice to watch the kids eyes sparkle as the talked about her and also to see Terri's face soften with her memories of her daughter. I am so glad that we have always been close. The day was fun, but in my typical style, when the day was over and I sat alone with my thoughts, I had a complete, and total melt down. I cried quietly for hours until there were just no more tears to be shed.
Now I feel as though my soul has been cleansed and I am ready to face the world YET again. I'm sure that there will be other 'meltdowns' before the holidays are over but I'm prepared for them and will survive.
Now I must get to work decorating my house for Christmas with as much enthusiasm as I can 'fake' and prepare myself for the "big" Erickson Christmas party on the 11th. I am looking forward to spending time with Julie and her family....but the rest of it I could certainly do without. I always expect the worse from this sort of gathering and it is NEVER as bad as I've imagined....The day will go fine I'm sure but I will be glad when it is behind me.
Enough ramblings from me for today....I'm done with my little Pity Party and ready to face the DAY....
On the bright side....the sun is shining at the momment (temp is 19) and we are going to dinner with Sheri and family tonight....
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