Saturday, November 05, 2005
Happy Birthday Mom
Today is my mother's birthday...She would have been 62...she died on January 18, 2000 from a heart attack. I had spoken to her at lunch time when she told me she wasn't feeling well and that she was just going to curl up in bed for the rest of the day. Her brother had died on 1/1/2000 and she was still realing from the loss so it was no surprise to me that she wanted to spend the day in bed. ...by dinner time she was dead. I wish that I had ended that last conversation with and I LOVE you mom. It still amazes me just how much I miss her and how often I reach for the phone to give her a call. I always shared my life with her; the good - the bad - the ugly! I miss that.
She was not the perfect person...but she was pretty damned close to being ther perfect mother, at least that is what all of my high school friends thought. My siblings and I always spend alot of time at our house with all of our friends, my mother made everyone feel welcome even the ones that she wasn't crazy about. I guess she figured that every child deserved a chance, therefore our house became the favorite hang out of my circle of friends. She always trusted me, which was not always deserved. I was allowed to go to parties because she trusted that I wouldn't do anything stupid, I was allowed to have parties at the house and often did - sometimes with her knowledge and sometimes without. She always gave me the benefit of the doubt, she beleived that I was capable of making good choices at a very young age. All this trust made it possible for me to get away with anything and I often took advantage of that. I never got in any REAL trouble but the potential was definitely there and when I think back on some of the stupid things I did it scares the shit out of me. I hope that my mother knows how sorry I am for having taken advantage of her trust and just how much that TRUST effected the person that I have become today.
Things I miss most about my mother:
Staying up late at night watching a sappy movie and crying together
Sitting in the living room indian style with a whole group of friends with my mother telling stories of her youth
SEX education talks in front of just about every boy I brought home
Trips to Bangor
HER HUG - she was the best hugger of all times
Late night discussions about 'wrong doings' that always ended with lots of tears followed by lots of hugs
Making chocolates for christmas
Sharing my children with her
The feeling of unconditional love
Happy Birthday Mom...I miss you and love you dearly
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